4 posts tagged “compassion”

In my opinion, the problem of abortion is a multifaceted issue.  And, it is more of a symptom than a problem in itself.

A symptom of what?  Fear.  Taking yourself out of your normal perspective, can you imagine how scary it would be to find out you are pregnant and do not have the means to care for this child?  And what about what your parents will think?  They might even disown you.  Or if you're a single mother living in a poor community...how will you provide for your child?  You can't work and take care of her at the same time, except for very select jobs that probably won't pay much money.  And besides, you're not married.  What will society think?

I know it is their fault for getting into the situation (at least most times...rape is a special circumstance that most people are more compassionate towards), but that still doesn't change the fact that the guiding principle in these situations is fear.

Making abortion illegal, in my opinion, will only increase that fear.  Because before there was an out, a backup, if you couldn't figure anything else out.  And now there is no (legal) escape.  Because of this increased fear, I think women might go to greater lengths, unsafe ones, to be rid of that fear.

But then what do they trade the fear for?  Regret and guilt.  It's not a happy situation.

So I would approach the problem with the goal of easing these fears so that the woman can make a genuine choice from her heart rather than let her fear consume her.
 
On a social level, I would probably do things like provide free childcare in poorer communities, so the mother can work and earn money to take care of her child, or continue going to school.  I actually stole that idea from Obama. ;)  In addition, I would try to find ways to increase the quality of schools in poorer areas.  As it is, richer schools = better schools, and so the poor keep going in circles.  Basically, find things that will make it easier for the mother to give her child a good life, and you'll reduce some of the fear that consumes her.

Also, reform and improve the foster care system.  Address the issues that make people think growing up in the foster care system is a nightmare you wouldn't ever wish on your child.  Perhaps also offer tax credits or extra benefits to couples who adopt a child.

But the most important thing, in my opinion, is the hardest to implement.  I would make it a rule that before a woman can get an abortion, she must attend one or two counseling sessions.  The purpose of these sessions is not to persuade her to change her mind.  If it were, it would never work.  Abortion has to remain an option because it serves as the initial fear-reducer that will get them into the building, where counselors can hopefully help guide them to be sure they are making the best decision...the one their hearts tell them to make.

On a wide level this idea will only work so well because it relies upon an abundance of really good counselors.  If the counselor is pushing the woman towards one particular option (be it keeping the baby, giving it up for adoption, or having the abortion), she will sense that and resist.  The conversation really needs to be centered around the woman's situation and her psyche.  And the counselor must give up the idea that they can control the outcome, because by exerting control the situation is only made worse.

The idea is to get them to talk and think about their situation.  There might be an option they hadn't thought of, or a way to make it work they hadn't considered.  It also may be that they hadn't been thinking of the long term, only the short term goal of being rid of all this fear.  Regardless of the situation, their life would drastically change if they kept the child, and some of that fear is rational, and some of it isn't.  It would help to have someone you can trust, someone who isn't going to push anything on you but who will help you come to your own decision...one you can live with.

Yes, some of these women will still end up choosing to get an abortion.  But, if we approach them with compassion and understanding, I believe that many more women will make other, better decisions.  And our society as a whole will not look upon these women with either indifference or contempt but rather with compassion.

I think a combination of all these ideas plus many many more, all aimed at making the decision to keep the child or give it up for adoption easier to make, will help the situation the most.

But to just make it illegal, to me, is admitting we don't understand the problem, or that we don't have or want to give up the resources needed in order to really address it.  It's easier to just call something wrong and disallow it than to really engage the problem on all levels.  And that is what I think we need to do.

There is a certain comfort in letting certain things in and excluding others from our view.  The same goes with people.  There's people who have God, and people who don't.  People who know what's up, and people who are idiots.  People who pay attention when they drive, and people who should never be let out on the road.  People who have truth, and people who have no grasp of it whatsoever.

This method of looking at others has it's comforts, has it's securities.  It is a means by which we can understand the world by translating it into what is approved and what is not.  It certainly makes life much more simple.  Here's what's on my list of approved things, ideas, and people, and I reject what's not on this list.

We all do this, to a certain extent.  And it makes sense.  We *are* trying to constantly simplify our experience to make it easier to handle.

But it's interesting what happens when you stop putting people and ideas in categories.  You start looking closer, you start seeing more.  Because you've stopped filtering things out.  The priest at the church Ben and I go to was leading us through a meditation, and she said for us to stop filtering, and to let everything in.  Do not exclude any sounds, feelings, thoughts...just let it all flow and observe it.  Then, you start to see deeper.

The same is true for people and ideas, I think.  When you stop trying to declare something as either bad or good and just witness it, you see deeper.  And seeing this way allows you to see the truth hidden in everything, because it frees you from your misconceptions and even your opinions.  It humbles you because you *have* to let go of the things that make you comfortable in order to let everything in, and in doing so, brings you closer to truth.

Compassion and love break down barriers.  They stop us from doing this categorization and from simplifying the world.  Love asks us to look at the whole, to see each person, each idea, each moment as valuable in some way.  There is no in group or out group.  There is only truth, and what it is buried underneath.

And when you see things this way, you approach conversations, people, ideas with an entirely different perspective.  You start to understand the subtle language of the heart, and how it is speaking even through people's so called intellectual ideas.  You start to see how someone's pure intuition or pure desires were led astray.  And instead of feeling contempt for their ignorance, you can feel nothing but compassion and love.  You see their soul buried under so much weight, and you long to free them. 

You are no longer distracted by the wrongness of what people say.  It seems petty to argue about it, almost tragic.  And it gives you patience and strength.  When you talk with someone it's more like a jazz improvisation...each of you contributing ideas and playing off one another to build something interesting that may open up both of your understandings.  You don't feel attached to (or the need to reject) any one concept or dogma because you sense the truth in all of them.  This gives you a freedom, a spontaneity, a creativity that you never had before.

And it is all in ceasing to seek comfort, and treating people and even their ideas and their words with compassion and love.  It's not always about simplification; often, it's about inclusion and integration.

Seen at Sujatin's blog.

Seeing the suffering in the world around us and in our own bodies and minds, we begin to understand suffering not only as an individual problem, but as a universal experience. It is one of the aspects of being alive. The question that then comes to mind is: If compassion arises from the awareness of suffering, why isnt the world a more compassionate place? The problem is that often our hearts are not open to feel the pain. We move away from it, close off, and become defended. By closing ourselves off from suffering, however, we also close ourselves to our own wellspring of compassion. We dont need to be particularly saintly in order to be compassionate. Compassion is the natural response of an open heart, but that wellspring of compassion remains capped as long as we turn away from or deny or resist the truth of what is there. When we deny our experience of suffering, we move away from what is genuine to what is fabricated, deceptive, and confusing.

The Unbearable Lightness of Being: A Novel (Perennial Classics)

Milan Kundera

So that we can easily go back and add to discussions, this post is simply a collection of all of the posts on this book.  Feel free to add more posts though, because I will go back and edit this if you add anything.

Discussions on The Unbearable Lightness of Being:

Lightness or Weight? - Which is preferable, lightness or weight?

Kitsch - What is kitsch? Also see Laura's post here.

Compassion - The devil's gift?

Body vs. Soul - Is there really a dichotomy?

Ben's Thoughts - The pursuit of lightness creates weight, and vice versa. (Dead link, as Ben has made his post private)

Meaning - How do we compose meaning in our lives?

Summary of Quotes/Topics - Quotes/ideas from the book on a variety of topics.  Go here for ideas for new things you can post about.

American Beauty - Relating the themes of Unbearable Lightness to the movie American Beauty.

ULB Opinion Poll - Share your favorite character, moment, etc!

ULB The Movie - Share your thoughts on the movie version of Unbearable Lightness. History of the movie by Laura here.

Kitsch, Utopia, and Collective Consciousness - Exploration of how we can really enact change in the world.