1 post tagged “understanding”

In my opinion, the problem of abortion is a multifaceted issue.  And, it is more of a symptom than a problem in itself.

A symptom of what?  Fear.  Taking yourself out of your normal perspective, can you imagine how scary it would be to find out you are pregnant and do not have the means to care for this child?  And what about what your parents will think?  They might even disown you.  Or if you're a single mother living in a poor community...how will you provide for your child?  You can't work and take care of her at the same time, except for very select jobs that probably won't pay much money.  And besides, you're not married.  What will society think?

I know it is their fault for getting into the situation (at least most times...rape is a special circumstance that most people are more compassionate towards), but that still doesn't change the fact that the guiding principle in these situations is fear.

Making abortion illegal, in my opinion, will only increase that fear.  Because before there was an out, a backup, if you couldn't figure anything else out.  And now there is no (legal) escape.  Because of this increased fear, I think women might go to greater lengths, unsafe ones, to be rid of that fear.

But then what do they trade the fear for?  Regret and guilt.  It's not a happy situation.

So I would approach the problem with the goal of easing these fears so that the woman can make a genuine choice from her heart rather than let her fear consume her.
 
On a social level, I would probably do things like provide free childcare in poorer communities, so the mother can work and earn money to take care of her child, or continue going to school.  I actually stole that idea from Obama. ;)  In addition, I would try to find ways to increase the quality of schools in poorer areas.  As it is, richer schools = better schools, and so the poor keep going in circles.  Basically, find things that will make it easier for the mother to give her child a good life, and you'll reduce some of the fear that consumes her.

Also, reform and improve the foster care system.  Address the issues that make people think growing up in the foster care system is a nightmare you wouldn't ever wish on your child.  Perhaps also offer tax credits or extra benefits to couples who adopt a child.

But the most important thing, in my opinion, is the hardest to implement.  I would make it a rule that before a woman can get an abortion, she must attend one or two counseling sessions.  The purpose of these sessions is not to persuade her to change her mind.  If it were, it would never work.  Abortion has to remain an option because it serves as the initial fear-reducer that will get them into the building, where counselors can hopefully help guide them to be sure they are making the best decision...the one their hearts tell them to make.

On a wide level this idea will only work so well because it relies upon an abundance of really good counselors.  If the counselor is pushing the woman towards one particular option (be it keeping the baby, giving it up for adoption, or having the abortion), she will sense that and resist.  The conversation really needs to be centered around the woman's situation and her psyche.  And the counselor must give up the idea that they can control the outcome, because by exerting control the situation is only made worse.

The idea is to get them to talk and think about their situation.  There might be an option they hadn't thought of, or a way to make it work they hadn't considered.  It also may be that they hadn't been thinking of the long term, only the short term goal of being rid of all this fear.  Regardless of the situation, their life would drastically change if they kept the child, and some of that fear is rational, and some of it isn't.  It would help to have someone you can trust, someone who isn't going to push anything on you but who will help you come to your own decision...one you can live with.

Yes, some of these women will still end up choosing to get an abortion.  But, if we approach them with compassion and understanding, I believe that many more women will make other, better decisions.  And our society as a whole will not look upon these women with either indifference or contempt but rather with compassion.

I think a combination of all these ideas plus many many more, all aimed at making the decision to keep the child or give it up for adoption easier to make, will help the situation the most.

But to just make it illegal, to me, is admitting we don't understand the problem, or that we don't have or want to give up the resources needed in order to really address it.  It's easier to just call something wrong and disallow it than to really engage the problem on all levels.  And that is what I think we need to do.